You will smile again.

Healing is a very slow process. You dont heal by crying for an entire night or the next few days. It takes time. There are days you just cannot get out of bed and by noon youre on your feet dancing to a favourite tune. There are days when you’re laughing and a sudden thought can flip you over. As human beings, we just cannot wait. We always need a shortcut. We start looking for escapism in every nook and corner. We are so busy finding ways to escape the pain, that we just dont realize the damage we are causing to ourselves. We tend to lean on the wrong people, we tend to complicate a very simple thing. The most self destructing truth is, we forget our worth. We are constantly looking out for help but what we dont realize is your bestfriend is within you. The only person who can get you out of this phase is you. Its okay to have your heart broken by that boy u loved, its okay to be lonely because your bestfriend left, its okay that your pet died, its okay that youre not too successful at your game, its okay to feel dumb sometimes… its all okay. When someone leaves its okay to be heart broken. Its natural. That doesnt mean you need soneone else to mend it for you. You just need time. The time you wasted on all those people who gave u nothing in return, that time u wasted hurting yourself is what you need. Give yourself that time and attention. Give yourself that love you threw at people who dint care. Trust me at the end of this, you will raise from this realize that it was just a bad phase. You will smile again, right from the heart.


Thank You, My Better half.

IMG_20150811_202600.jpgNo, she isn’t the Monica to my Rachel. She isn’t the Kendal to my Gigi. She is just her to my me. The soul without whom my heart would never beat. This post is about someone who is the closest to my heart and someone who makes me believe that “Forever” exists. This is to Thank her for all those wonderful times, memories and the path of life she has given me.

I met her when I was 4. Plum round girl, with a funny bob cut. We used to travel together. Sit together and also shameless giggle at each other in the class photos. During march past we used to clench our hands together like either of us was going to run away. Little did I know then that this girl is never going to let go.

Times passed, frocks became skirts. Classes divided and but parents united. Skirts became patiala. The craze for barbies moved on to crushes and boys. Colours and crayons were replaced with kajal and lipsticks. The innocence was fading off. We saw each other roll around like babies , hit puberty and grow up to be adults. Then came the fad of being proposed. I remember having fancy hair cuts to make heads turn.

Middle school passed. The pressure of studies revolved around us. By the time high school started we were admitted in coaching and tuition centres. Did we study? NO. Other than loafing and sighting we did nothing productive. By the time 12th started we were smitten by “love”. Boys and our relationship is all we got to talk about it. Then we did not realise that we were loosing ourselves. But I must admit, she is very hard working. Irrespective of all the distractions she got her way through with flying colours. We weren’t bad kids after all.

College admissions started. Well this was the time when my heart skipped beats. I needed her. I needed to see her face every morning. How would I enter a completely new place without her? Well, for the love of God we got into the same university. That’s when I started breathing again. We were growing up. We saw each other heart broken. We were each others shoulder to cry on.

She is all the strength I need. I can fight and have a tiff with anybody in this world, let it be my mother or my boyfriend or anybody. I know she is there to correct me. But the moment soemthing goes wrong between us, I become a mess. She is my backbone. She is my pillar of support.

There have been days I have been ruthless to her and days I’ve loved her like no one else can. Soemtimes I even show all my anger on her and yet she still holds me and asks me what’s wrong.

People say there is no relationship that is stronger than that of blood. Well oops, I’m sorry. This girl is not just my best friend. She is my sister, a sister from another mother with whom I share no blood connect with. She is my twin. My human.

Today I want to thank this beautiful creature who has been born just to handle me. The one who can handle all my fuss,  moodswings and retardness with the greatest ease. Thank you. Thank you for being my support system.

I promise there will be no day where you will feel any lesser than anybody in my life. Even 25 years, or even till my last breathe you will always be my first.

I love you.

And oh? Happiest Birthday, My Better half.

A Lost Soul.

imageHe was three days old when I first saw him. His eyes closed, he looked like a ball of fur. He was placed in a basket with three of his siblings, his sisters to be precise. As days passed the selling began. One after one started to be sold. That’s when I insisted on keeping him. I would place him on my shoulder just like a little baby. He would crawl up to to my ear and that little warm tongue would tickle me. His little paw will try to hold a grip over my tee shirt but he would fall right into my arms. Then he began his running. He used to tumble and hit himself again the wall but that wasn’t enough to stop him. He would run all over the place with those tiny paws. He used to nag his mother for milk and his whines were soothing to the ears.  He started to grow. His paws began to harden. My little boy was big enough to climb stairs. His bark was still soar. It was funny and adorable. He did not leave one piece of furniture unbitten. He used to piss and poop all over and when i picked the stick he used to hide under the bed, peeping out now and then. His eyes were filled with naughtiness and innocence at the same time. He grew even more. He was a year old. Tall, handsome, brisk and firm. His barks were bold. He would stand by the balcony watch people move by. He would run all over to grab ones attention. He would lick you all over just for you to pat him. He loved to be cuddled and pampered. He was always so alert. One squeak and he would start to bark. He was everybody’s darling. When everything goes smooth then there should be a stone out there right? Yes, all of a sudden he began to loose hair. He began to develop rashes. Like anyone else we did not take it that seriously. He was still active and perfectly normal. Medication was given and he cured gradually. Things did not go well for long since then. He began to loose hair again but this time it was drastic. His grey sheath of skin  was the only thing visible. It began to scare us. His tests were done and the reason was not known. Maybe it was a genetic defect claimed the doctor. It was then the holiday season began so we took of for a trip leaving him with an old friend. When we returned after four days he refused to even look at us. It took time for him to let go his anger. He was so emotionally attached that he could not take the fact that we let him alone. The following week he had to withstand  injections almost everyday. He used to whine in pain and the sight was so pityful. He couldn’t really speak out his pain and sufferings. Even then he would play and want all the attention. He would still run all around and nobody could really sense what was coming. His hair began to grow back and all of us could see that ray of hope. All of a sudden he began to develop rashes on his face. It was so severe that he would start to bleed everytime he was touched. He began to drop. There was something that was missing in him. I walked into the door and he ran to me and that’s when I sensed that he was not the same. He was dull. His rashes where red and oozing. He sat beside the bed with dropping eyes. I couldn’t really sense things even then. Later that night he began to breath hard. He had developed a cold. He couldn’t sleep all night. We could see him suffer. The next morning we rushed to his doctor. His eyes were still closed. Glucose was being given and injection shots were being infused. He just lay there without any movement. His eyes opened and we brought him back home. Five minutes is all he took, he whined, twirled and ….. Gone. Gone forever. His mouth opened, eyes closed and legs frozen. He lay motionless on the floor. Liquids began to get out of his body and he had to be buried. The hands that brought him out to see the world buried his body. He was an one year and a few days old pug. A hyper active, extremely loving with an extraordinarily expressive face. In that one year he was with us, he has brought a million reasons for us to think and smile about. He couldn’t express his pain. He did not let us sense it. Maybe dying was good because he will not have to suffer any more. Jerry, you will always be that first dog I loved. I may not have spent that much time with u as what I should have but you will always be very very special to me. I still remember having a race with you and falling on the road. Taking you for walks and making you gape for food and feeding you things without anyone’s knowledge will all be missed. You will be missed so much my little boy. You will always be a part of our family and will always remain in our thoughts. We love you. R.I.P Jerry (25.05.2014-9.06.2015)