Thank You, My Better half.

IMG_20150811_202600.jpgNo, she isn’t the Monica to my Rachel. She isn’t the Kendal to my Gigi. She is just her to my me. The soul without whom my heart would never beat. This post is about someone who is the closest to my heart and someone who makes me believe that “Forever” exists. This is to Thank her for all those wonderful times, memories and the path of life she has given me.

I met her when I was 4. Plum round girl, with a funny bob cut. We used to travel together. Sit together and also shameless giggle at each other in the class photos. During march past we used to clench our hands together like either of us was going to run away. Little did I know then that this girl is never going to let go.

Times passed, frocks became skirts. Classes divided and but parents united. Skirts became patiala. The craze for barbies moved on to crushes and boys. Colours and crayons were replaced with kajal and lipsticks. The innocence was fading off. We saw each other roll around like babies , hit puberty and grow up to be adults. Then came the fad of being proposed. I remember having fancy hair cuts to make heads turn.

Middle school passed. The pressure of studies revolved around us. By the time high school started we were admitted in coaching and tuition centres. Did we study? NO. Other than loafing and sighting we did nothing productive. By the time 12th started we were smitten by “love”. Boys and our relationship is all we got to talk about it. Then we did not realise that we were loosing ourselves. But I must admit, she is very hard working. Irrespective of all the distractions she got her way through with flying colours. We weren’t bad kids after all.

College admissions started. Well this was the time when my heart skipped beats. I needed her. I needed to see her face every morning. How would I enter a completely new place without her? Well, for the love of God we got into the same university. That’s when I started breathing again. We were growing up. We saw each other heart broken. We were each others shoulder to cry on.

She is all the strength I need. I can fight and have a tiff with anybody in this world, let it be my mother or my boyfriend or anybody. I know she is there to correct me. But the moment soemthing goes wrong between us, I become a mess. She is my backbone. She is my pillar of support.

There have been days I have been ruthless to her and days I’ve loved her like no one else can. Soemtimes I even show all my anger on her and yet she still holds me and asks me what’s wrong.

People say there is no relationship that is stronger than that of blood. Well oops, I’m sorry. This girl is not just my best friend. She is my sister, a sister from another mother with whom I share no blood connect with. She is my twin. My human.

Today I want to thank this beautiful creature who has been born just to handle me. The one who can handle all my fuss,  moodswings and retardness with the greatest ease. Thank you. Thank you for being my support system.

I promise there will be no day where you will feel any lesser than anybody in my life. Even 25 years, or even till my last breathe you will always be my first.

I love you.

And oh? Happiest Birthday, My Better half.

My first love.

First love is said to be the most beautiful feeling.  As per studies, it’s very rare to end up marrying and having a forever with your first love. Everybody believes and hopes that he or she will be the one but destiny has its own way of playing the game. This article is to glorify that beautiful feeling that happened to me.

I was 17, a typical dreamy teenage girl. Since I was in my 12th grade, like many parents,my mother too got paranoid and put me in tuitions. I was highly grumpy about my physics tuition as it was from 5:30 to 7 in the morning. I was so not the morning person. But who knew that sitting in a class listening to kirchoffs law would change my life.

My mom used to drive me there in the darkness. It used to be cold as the wind hit my face. Most of the times, right from the opposite side of the road, a white beam used to hit our faces. A white Audi Q5 would stand right infront and a dusky muscular guy used to get off and walk towards class. Who knew that he was my guy, the guy who will remain special till my last breathe. I used to wait for a few friends and then get in. I mostly occupied the last benches because it was more preferable to sleep. After nearly 30 mins of ray optics and dervations my eyes used to doze off. Who knew a yawning girl with droopy face would attract eyes.

Days passed and faces got familiar. Like any girl, I used to look out for those cute boys in the front benches. Facebook certainly played an important role in my story like how it usually does in any teens life. My phone beeped. It was a poke from this guy whose name was very familiar. I misunderstood to be a family friend I poked back. This poke game went on for a few days till he sent a friend request. Like predicted, I accepted it. He was a hot guy and his profile picture had quite many likes so I kind off figured out that he wasn’t any family friend but was the guy from tuition. Since then, my eyes fell on him. I used to search for him in class, notice his cloths and i must admit, he used to be the only person who came to class decently dressed with breathtaking perfume and a nice brisk shirt.

With time those silent stares, became chats. Our first chat still makes me smile. He would keep initiating a conversation either about some test or an extra class and I used to keep cutting him off. God knows why I did that. Everytime he texted it made me smile, yet I kept throwing my attitude at him. Like any guy he stopped texting me. It made me mad. I would stare at him,  and he wouldn’t even look back at me. That’s when a friend told me that he was looking for someone else. I rushed home and texted him saying hola. I threw my attitude away. Then came my birthday. A sober, not so happening day. My mom was away and I was weeping and that’s when he texted. It’s the best wish I’ve got till date. That was our first late night chat. Till that day he was just a guy I used to look at but after that night things chnaged. I used to crave for his attention. I used to unknowingly talk loud to make him look at me. I used to wake up early just to look a little better. I used to purposely catch a place diagnal to him.
I still remember, one day I was watchign him write a test and when he was walking out I purposely bumped into him to say a hi. It was the first time I heard that beautiful voice.

With time our chats grew deeper. His pickup lines made me blush. Tuesday and Fridays became the beat days of the week. Slowly numbers exchanged and chats became phone calls. It was a Friday, July 25th. I won some cultural event and we were on the phone for hours. I was on bed and at a blink of the eye I was his girlfriend. Yes, u read it right. I was his girlfriend. The tall, dusky, slightly bearded hot guy was my boyfriend and how did it happen? I still don’t know. He dint propose neither did I.
July 25th had completely changed my life. Apparently, only after three days we met each other. It was ramzan, and I was wearing a batman tee. He came close and sat next to me. I still remember the stares my school mates gave me. But honestly I dint care. This gorgeous boy in a emarald green tee was mine. While writting I purposely brushed my hand against his. Touching that smooth skin for the first time gave me Chills. The very same day I got caught at home. My mother took away my mobile and obviously I did not have a way of contacting him. So the next few days I started using the local pco. And after that there was no looking back. Tuesday and fridays mornings became my happniess where we used to sneak around the dark corridors and enter late to class while I sat beside him smelling that enchanting perfume with his warm hand holding mine beneath the desk and the other scribbling on each others books. My social media started to chant his name. My instagram was only filled with our pictures. Our early morning skype calls to our late night romance became my world. This story just grew deeper and stronger and I had fallen irrevocably with this boy who was entirely mine.

Our hands met and then those lovely lips. We made beautiful memories together.  Our first date,  our first valentines day was nothing less than a dream. He pampered me, cuddled me, supported me in every way possible. We had crosses that stage of dating. Things grew very intense. Emotionally i had become so dependent on him.Calling him my boyfriend dint seem fair to what we really meant to me. We dreamt of our little house with beautiful babies that were half of me and him running around. He became my world.

Like the quote goes, nothing stays certain in  paradise. Things chnaged. College, friends and carrier started to over power what we had. The distance made it worse. We fought the odds as much as we could. But we failed. Yes, I saw my whole world crashing down. I saw him walk away. Even today it hurts the same like how it did that day. I’ve stood outside his house waiting to see him. I’ve done every desparate thing to get a glance but no, it was too late. He was gone. He was happy. I was a mess. All I had were blue ticks and unattended calls.  What happened to us? Well, life happened. We grew up. Our priorities differed. But one day, I would definitely want to ask him why he walked away without trying harder. I would show him our tuition books with his scribbles and those heart breaking letters. That one day, I know will never come.

Today all I have are those beautiful memories of 2 years of me and him irrespective of how badly it ended. He and me shared something that cannot be explained. When I think of him, I can only relate to all the endless love we had. Even when my hair is gray and my teeth has fallen off, he will still remain special to me. The pain of loosing him will still be felt. I loved him like my first and last. I loved him like there was no tomorrow. Yet, things fell apart. Either his fault or mine , the loss was unbearable.

Regrets and anger doesn’t stay for long. Those wonderful memories needs to be cherished and let go when it starts to hurt. Being someone’s first is definately special but there is nothing like being someones last. We need to accept the reality and move on. Its a big world out there. First love is definitely the most beautiful but also the most devastating.

The “Happiest” ending.


She sat somewhere in the middle row laughing with a bunch of girls
One hand holding her pen and other on her long hair playing the curls
He sat behind watching her smile, lost in his thoughts
Every time she caught him she turned a blushes
Their eyes met, hands shook, a moment of bliss
Since then there was no looking back, tightened by their first kiss
If she asked him for the stars, he would buy her that
Holding hands beneath the desk, together they sat
They fought, yelled, screamed and cried
End of the day always stayed together, walking on eachother’s side.
Those long night talks she whispered beneath the blanket
With him in life, her happiness was set.
He smiled, held her, kissed her tight
She raised her toes, hugged him back and adored the difference in their height.
Her best friend, her soul mate, her everything he was
He loved her and her beautiful flaws.
Every beautiful thing happens in a blink of the night
He was that most beautiful thing that happened to her and she therefore found her mister right.

A Lost Soul.

imageHe was three days old when I first saw him. His eyes closed, he looked like a ball of fur. He was placed in a basket with three of his siblings, his sisters to be precise. As days passed the selling began. One after one started to be sold. That’s when I insisted on keeping him. I would place him on my shoulder just like a little baby. He would crawl up to to my ear and that little warm tongue would tickle me. His little paw will try to hold a grip over my tee shirt but he would fall right into my arms. Then he began his running. He used to tumble and hit himself again the wall but that wasn’t enough to stop him. He would run all over the place with those tiny paws. He used to nag his mother for milk and his whines were soothing to the ears.  He started to grow. His paws began to harden. My little boy was big enough to climb stairs. His bark was still soar. It was funny and adorable. He did not leave one piece of furniture unbitten. He used to piss and poop all over and when i picked the stick he used to hide under the bed, peeping out now and then. His eyes were filled with naughtiness and innocence at the same time. He grew even more. He was a year old. Tall, handsome, brisk and firm. His barks were bold. He would stand by the balcony watch people move by. He would run all over to grab ones attention. He would lick you all over just for you to pat him. He loved to be cuddled and pampered. He was always so alert. One squeak and he would start to bark. He was everybody’s darling. When everything goes smooth then there should be a stone out there right? Yes, all of a sudden he began to loose hair. He began to develop rashes. Like anyone else we did not take it that seriously. He was still active and perfectly normal. Medication was given and he cured gradually. Things did not go well for long since then. He began to loose hair again but this time it was drastic. His grey sheath of skin  was the only thing visible. It began to scare us. His tests were done and the reason was not known. Maybe it was a genetic defect claimed the doctor. It was then the holiday season began so we took of for a trip leaving him with an old friend. When we returned after four days he refused to even look at us. It took time for him to let go his anger. He was so emotionally attached that he could not take the fact that we let him alone. The following week he had to withstand  injections almost everyday. He used to whine in pain and the sight was so pityful. He couldn’t really speak out his pain and sufferings. Even then he would play and want all the attention. He would still run all around and nobody could really sense what was coming. His hair began to grow back and all of us could see that ray of hope. All of a sudden he began to develop rashes on his face. It was so severe that he would start to bleed everytime he was touched. He began to drop. There was something that was missing in him. I walked into the door and he ran to me and that’s when I sensed that he was not the same. He was dull. His rashes where red and oozing. He sat beside the bed with dropping eyes. I couldn’t really sense things even then. Later that night he began to breath hard. He had developed a cold. He couldn’t sleep all night. We could see him suffer. The next morning we rushed to his doctor. His eyes were still closed. Glucose was being given and injection shots were being infused. He just lay there without any movement. His eyes opened and we brought him back home. Five minutes is all he took, he whined, twirled and ….. Gone. Gone forever. His mouth opened, eyes closed and legs frozen. He lay motionless on the floor. Liquids began to get out of his body and he had to be buried. The hands that brought him out to see the world buried his body. He was an one year and a few days old pug. A hyper active, extremely loving with an extraordinarily expressive face. In that one year he was with us, he has brought a million reasons for us to think and smile about. He couldn’t express his pain. He did not let us sense it. Maybe dying was good because he will not have to suffer any more. Jerry, you will always be that first dog I loved. I may not have spent that much time with u as what I should have but you will always be very very special to me. I still remember having a race with you and falling on the road. Taking you for walks and making you gape for food and feeding you things without anyone’s knowledge will all be missed. You will be missed so much my little boy. You will always be a part of our family and will always remain in our thoughts. We love you. R.I.P Jerry (25.05.2014-9.06.2015)

A little note to a loved one I missed.

  • He is flying miles apart
    A million memories shooting me like a dart
    I lie there lost in a world with him
    When he is not around my life is so dim
    Days pass, scanty messages is all I get
    I scroll down my memory line till the day we first met.
    Was it when he smiled? Was it when our eyes locked?
    All of it happened and in my heart his place is docked
    Weeping and crying I fall asleep
    Lost in my dreams, so hard I reap
    The sun hits my eye, my phone starts to ring
    Hello is say hazily, morning beautiful he says and his voice hits me like a bing.