My first love.

First love is said to be the most beautiful feeling.  As per studies, it’s very rare to end up marrying and having a forever with your first love. Everybody believes and hopes that he or she will be the one but destiny has its own way of playing the game. This article is to glorify that beautiful feeling that happened to me.

I was 17, a typical dreamy teenage girl. Since I was in my 12th grade, like many parents,my mother too got paranoid and put me in tuitions. I was highly grumpy about my physics tuition as it was from 5:30 to 7 in the morning. I was so not the morning person. But who knew that sitting in a class listening to kirchoffs law would change my life.

My mom used to drive me there in the darkness. It used to be cold as the wind hit my face. Most of the times, right from the opposite side of the road, a white beam used to hit our faces. A white Audi Q5 would stand right infront and a dusky muscular guy used to get off and walk towards class. Who knew that he was my guy, the guy who will remain special till my last breathe. I used to wait for a few friends and then get in. I mostly occupied the last benches because it was more preferable to sleep. After nearly 30 mins of ray optics and dervations my eyes used to doze off. Who knew a yawning girl with droopy face would attract eyes.

Days passed and faces got familiar. Like any girl, I used to look out for those cute boys in the front benches. Facebook certainly played an important role in my story like how it usually does in any teens life. My phone beeped. It was a poke from this guy whose name was very familiar. I misunderstood to be a family friend I poked back. This poke game went on for a few days till he sent a friend request. Like predicted, I accepted it. He was a hot guy and his profile picture had quite many likes so I kind off figured out that he wasn’t any family friend but was the guy from tuition. Since then, my eyes fell on him. I used to search for him in class, notice his cloths and i must admit, he used to be the only person who came to class decently dressed with breathtaking perfume and a nice brisk shirt.

With time those silent stares, became chats. Our first chat still makes me smile. He would keep initiating a conversation either about some test or an extra class and I used to keep cutting him off. God knows why I did that. Everytime he texted it made me smile, yet I kept throwing my attitude at him. Like any guy he stopped texting me. It made me mad. I would stare at him,  and he wouldn’t even look back at me. That’s when a friend told me that he was looking for someone else. I rushed home and texted him saying hola. I threw my attitude away. Then came my birthday. A sober, not so happening day. My mom was away and I was weeping and that’s when he texted. It’s the best wish I’ve got till date. That was our first late night chat. Till that day he was just a guy I used to look at but after that night things chnaged. I used to crave for his attention. I used to unknowingly talk loud to make him look at me. I used to wake up early just to look a little better. I used to purposely catch a place diagnal to him.
I still remember, one day I was watchign him write a test and when he was walking out I purposely bumped into him to say a hi. It was the first time I heard that beautiful voice.

With time our chats grew deeper. His pickup lines made me blush. Tuesday and Fridays became the beat days of the week. Slowly numbers exchanged and chats became phone calls. It was a Friday, July 25th. I won some cultural event and we were on the phone for hours. I was on bed and at a blink of the eye I was his girlfriend. Yes, u read it right. I was his girlfriend. The tall, dusky, slightly bearded hot guy was my boyfriend and how did it happen? I still don’t know. He dint propose neither did I.
July 25th had completely changed my life. Apparently, only after three days we met each other. It was ramzan, and I was wearing a batman tee. He came close and sat next to me. I still remember the stares my school mates gave me. But honestly I dint care. This gorgeous boy in a emarald green tee was mine. While writting I purposely brushed my hand against his. Touching that smooth skin for the first time gave me Chills. The very same day I got caught at home. My mother took away my mobile and obviously I did not have a way of contacting him. So the next few days I started using the local pco. And after that there was no looking back. Tuesday and fridays mornings became my happniess where we used to sneak around the dark corridors and enter late to class while I sat beside him smelling that enchanting perfume with his warm hand holding mine beneath the desk and the other scribbling on each others books. My social media started to chant his name. My instagram was only filled with our pictures. Our early morning skype calls to our late night romance became my world. This story just grew deeper and stronger and I had fallen irrevocably with this boy who was entirely mine.

Our hands met and then those lovely lips. We made beautiful memories together.  Our first date,  our first valentines day was nothing less than a dream. He pampered me, cuddled me, supported me in every way possible. We had crosses that stage of dating. Things grew very intense. Emotionally i had become so dependent on him.Calling him my boyfriend dint seem fair to what we really meant to me. We dreamt of our little house with beautiful babies that were half of me and him running around. He became my world.

Like the quote goes, nothing stays certain in  paradise. Things chnaged. College, friends and carrier started to over power what we had. The distance made it worse. We fought the odds as much as we could. But we failed. Yes, I saw my whole world crashing down. I saw him walk away. Even today it hurts the same like how it did that day. I’ve stood outside his house waiting to see him. I’ve done every desparate thing to get a glance but no, it was too late. He was gone. He was happy. I was a mess. All I had were blue ticks and unattended calls.  What happened to us? Well, life happened. We grew up. Our priorities differed. But one day, I would definitely want to ask him why he walked away without trying harder. I would show him our tuition books with his scribbles and those heart breaking letters. That one day, I know will never come.

Today all I have are those beautiful memories of 2 years of me and him irrespective of how badly it ended. He and me shared something that cannot be explained. When I think of him, I can only relate to all the endless love we had. Even when my hair is gray and my teeth has fallen off, he will still remain special to me. The pain of loosing him will still be felt. I loved him like my first and last. I loved him like there was no tomorrow. Yet, things fell apart. Either his fault or mine , the loss was unbearable.

Regrets and anger doesn’t stay for long. Those wonderful memories needs to be cherished and let go when it starts to hurt. Being someone’s first is definately special but there is nothing like being someones last. We need to accept the reality and move on. Its a big world out there. First love is definitely the most beautiful but also the most devastating.


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